like even if I try to write porn or something, if the characters say anything like, emotional to each other I’m like “wait be careful they could use that against you later”
"I hope that wasn’t the best sex you ever had, me whoring myself while you ignore me and watch a russell crowe film" I was reminiscing w/ dd about our doomed relationship
it turns out being a dom and/or how I have sex is still not something I have to feel guilty about or have to feel like what happened is my fault. for real okay. because it really gets to me, I start feeling guilty about consensual stuff I did to someone who was abusive and it’s like why am I feeling guilty for that.
I’m going to get better
I’m going to have good sex and it’s not going to trigger me or make me uneasy
I have complete faith about that
I’m going to try and write a (hopefully brief & succinct) post about:
*what is wrong with me sexually
*what I need and/or like
*what I should do about it??
I don’t like that I’m ever going to have to think about my ex again
it’s also true that sometimes I don’t know if I was crazy before, what would have upset me before
I do know I don’t want to fuck anyone ever again, except maybe the DD, but I know I don’t want to top anyone again, and that sucks because I’m a top, but I just don’t want to hurt anyone
you guys I was just thinking about american horror story
SPOILERS for ahs asylum, also content warnings behind the read more
I don’t understand porn where people have like soda cans and phones in their orifices! why??